So, what's it all about? I feel like I'm constantly running away, pretending that I'll find the answers on the next journey. And I never do, but leave with a bad taste in my mouth and a feeling of dissapointment. Maybe I'm just using other things as a filler for that lack of meaning and emptyness, but finally I thought I'd found something worth making sacrifices for. Does life have meaning or is it up to us to supply that meaning? And then live in the delusion that it's some sort of universal rule? Gosh, I'm starting to wish I was religious. Then someone else can make up all the mumbo jumbo for you and all you have to do is follow the route- and huzzar- life has meaning! Genuinely if you have an answer I'd like to hear it. The last 6 weeks have felt like a constant test of my identity and intergrety. My confidense has been consistently challenged and, it seems, corroded. And now I'm just lost. Desperately afraid of coming home (because whatever I'm running from is most definately there) but now with no reason to stay here. And sounding like a melodramatic fool. I must say sometimes I badly miss Edinburgh people . But then again I never really wanted to face it even when I was around you all...
Onwards, upwards??
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3 comments:
I find that drink solves a great deal of these problems... :)
bx
Geeze Danielle, you make our website look full of shallow rubbish with your great meaningful dialogue and questions... Are you ok? It sounds like you are having a bit of a rough time or at least you are giving yourself a hard time...?
I guess i think that you might not find answers to your questions by being away in itself, these answers will just come in time, but by being away you are challenging yourself and that can only be a good thing :-)
Plus, you are so so brave going away and making Hong Kong your home (a place you first hated if i remember correctly!!) I so admire you! So girl, keep smiling i want to give you a big hug, so we will have to co ordinate when our South East Asia and Australia adventures will co inside and meet up.
lots of love Sarah P xxxxxxxxxxxxx
Ps, write a more cheerful message then i can stop worrying about you!!
helpfully, I am going to say that very often answers appear after the questions... so about 5 years after you need them.
But I happen to think that life is given meaning by the individual - you have meaning through your actions, thoughts and relationships with others - especially true if you believe that those are the only consciousnesses watching you!
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