On being a human yo-yo

So, I have started waking up at 3am wondering why exactly I'm spending 10 days on my own in China, followed by another 10 in mongolia and then 5 days on a train to Russia. Argh. Still the things that scare me tend to be the best things I've done, so here's to an affirming, fun experience. Gulp.

As for HK, things have settled down, although still not totally 'settled'. It seems I'm never going to be allowed closure on bits of this experience. I swing between wanting to just be totally forgiving and wanting to demand being treated with more respect. Having lunch with some people from work gave me a sudden flash of what it was like in that office- and made me very glad to have moved on.

I almost have a Russian visa (it's been a bit of a saga) and should eb off to Beijing to meet Sarah in a couple of days. It will be very cool to see her- so much to catch up on! xx

Back in HK

Ok, so next to Spencer maybe I look a little too brown/tangoed??!
I love Ben!
Alcohol begins to take affect (and then I was too drunk to take any more pics!)

the jungle and living on a boat

my nellie!
and they let us sit on their heads like a true nellie rider!
..and we found these!
Birgit and Dave (sorry it's sideways)
One of the beautiful scenes we woke up to in the mornings!

Scuba-dooby in Koh Tao

Christina, Kjettil and Scott in Lotus bar
Jimmy, Kengi and Irena! (a bit later in Lotus bar!)
Hard work this PADI stuff y'know..
Me, Alev and Kjettil

Pics from the last month...(Australia)

Jelly fishes! Ouch! Andrea (superbrown)

Mr Murdoch on the Manley Ferry
Me on the Manley Ferry!

Back in HK

And, as predicted, it's been hard.

I love the city itself- it feels like home and being here makes me very relaxed. But walking back into all the Chatteris shit is frankly crap. I don't really know what I've done, but the vibe is pretty horrible. It makes me sad- I worked my ass off for this organisation. I probably won't see any of these people again so I guess I was hoping to leave things on a warm friendly note. Ah well. Some situations are worse than others- all I really want is to say goodbye to everyone in a friendly way.. When I left here I was so, so down and it seems that people only remember that, not all the stuff beforehand. Still, it's a fickle, unnatural environment so I guess its hard for it to be anything other than what it is. Going back to the office was, in a funny way, a good experience. I'm so glad to be out of there when I here the things that are going on. It really is a horrid working environment sometimes.

I've been focusing on friends from outside Chatteris that want to see me! Which has been really, really nice. And it's certainly been a test of all the things I've promised myself- but one I think I'm going to pass... xxx

'Big Flappy Things'

Hey hey- I've had a fabulous few days once again! Feel so, so lucky..

The boat was great. beyond great- brilliant. Birgit and I (German girl that I met on the bus) shared a teeny bunk and got rocked to sleep every night. The boat was filled with some cool people- Laars and Irish Dave especially ; ) and the crew were pretty fun too. The owner- and resident- of the boat was a complete character whom we came to be kinda fond of. And we got really lucky with our dive guide, who was so chilled out but totally made you feel at ease.

I've seen so much I can't begin to list it- the Similian's have amazing visibility and are proper tropical waters like you see on nature shows. My top three have to be seahorses- about 3 inches tall and bright yellow just rocking in the water- the octopus- who was being attached by a trigger fish and kept morphing into the coral to camouflage itself- and, the best best best thing; a manta Ray. Now, I didn't even know these existed so when Milton said we were going to find big flappy things on our last few dives, I was a touch confused. I think what we actually saw may be the most stunning thing I've ever witnessed. Manta rays are black and white and up to 6m across. They glide through the shallower depths with total elegance. We saw 5 in our first dive- one stopped about 2m away from us and just hovered. It was incredible. I think I may have cried underwater.

Anyways, a bruised eardrum (according to the guy from Wicked Diver's who just about helped us out with everything- food, transport, accomadation, ear investigations... Thank you Paul : ) Don't bother with anyone else! ) a brief coffee with Jimmy (seriously- are you stalking me??) and overnight bus journey later, I'm getting ready to pack my bags for Hong Kong. I can't wait to see some people, and even more excitingly Duncan's going to be there and Ollie too (ha- time to reap my revenge for getting me so drunk in Bangkok I feel...) so should be fun.

I have a dinner date with a Irish girl I met at the pool today and an early flight tomorrow so still don't have time to upload photos!

PS Marian - HAPPY BIRTHDAY!! I hope it's a special one.. xxx

What a week (or two??)

Right. I have frankly been crap at this, and my only excuse is that I've been having a great time!
I was on Ko Tao for maybe 8 or 9 days in all. I am now an advanced open water diver! I really, really enjoyed it. (Although the night dive was a bit scary!) Ko Tao is quite chilled out and we had a great little group. There were five of us in all doing the advanced; Jimmy and Scott, two more English Lads and a Norwegian boy (who I came to adore. Sadly his visa meant he had to leave Thailand a few days ago...) and we all moved at pretty much the same pace.

Our instructor was a brilliant teacher and came with his own mascot- his son, one of the most articulate, charming 4 years old ever. Oh, and totally fearless. He put us all to shame jumping off the top of the boat and diving with his dad (even at night!) After we came out of the water he would plop himself in my lap and grill me about what we had seen- as if I knew!The boy was a fish encyclopedia. And he gets to spend all day with his dad on a boat. Maybe you can have everything..

So, after a slightly messy night drinking Samsong (and doing a pulp fiction style twist in the sand with the Norwegian) people started to depart. I didn't know where to go but rumour had it you could get lastminute discounts on liveaboards to the Similan Islands in Khoa Lak. Too lazy to find somewhere else to sleep, I got myself on the 10am boat and arrived, directionless, in Surrithani 6 hours later. As there were no buses to Khoa Lak that day, I got myself as close to it as I could- the rainforest in the middle of the country! The last two nights I slept in a tree house with a frog residing in my sink. I also rode an elephant, played with some monkeys and made met some cool people. Not a bad stop off point in all!

I travelled to Khao Lak this morning on the local bus with my backpack, a sprig of honeysuckle from the guy at my guesthouse and two pissing cats behind me . mmm. The aftermath of the Tsunami is still evident here. Even though the place has been rebuilt- there are warning signs everywhere (telling you have far it is to a safe point) and even a washed up police boat a mile or two from the beach. I spent all morning trying to find a boat and struck gold- a 4 day/4 night 4 star boat leaving tomorrow to the Similan and Surin Islands. 14 dives in all (3 night dives- eek!) Food, drinks, equipment included and 10,000 baht off the price! hurrah!! We can't believe our luck! It's still totally out of my budget, but I was talking to my dad the other day and he mentioned that he'd always wanted to dive, but that now his back is too bad. So I decided to make the most of being in this stunning place with an amazing opportunity (and worry about the money later?!)

Sadly, the boys headed for the north, only to be told that it is being burnt at this time of year and you can't see much. Jimmy is coming here... but can't get here until the 19th. Maybe I'l bump into him underwater! (Glad I decided to cut across the country rather than doing the Bangkok round trip!!)

After the boat (back on the 22nd mum) it's back to Bangkok (where hopefully Oliver will fail in his mission to get me plastered every time I see him- so far: 4 to him, 0 to me on that front). Then back to HK, which I'm both nervous and excited about. Still, it will be a test of all my resolutions so far. I have a fun week planned of sorting out Malaria tablets (which I still don't know if I've been taking or some other random drug), picking up passports and getting China and RUSSIAN visas!! My dad is meeting me in Moscow, so I'm braving the transiberian! And then... home I guess?! Still, it will be mid-May. The weather should be heading towards a britsih summer, Dad lives on the river and hopefully I'll be able to pip all the grads to the post on the job front, so it's about as good as it can get for a return date. And if I don't like it, back to HK to be a NET in August! (Blimey- I think I have a plan??) He he...

PS - I am trying to upload photos, but something always seems to go wrong!

PPS HAPPY MOTHERS DAY mum! I love you! Will try and call you tomorrow before I leave! xxx

If I don't respond..

.. I may be living on a boat! Not sure if/ how it's going to work out, but if i'm AWOL for a while I may be doing a liveaboard around the Similian islands! 4 nights living on the boat and 15 dives!

Wish me luck! xxx

Hit me again..

Well, I am now a qualified PADI open water diver. And soon to be an Advanced Open Water Diver. Get me.

Seriously though, we've signed up for the next stage. (This could become an obsession. Watch out) It's so cheap here and the island is really relaxed and chilled it just makes sense. It's all the things I love about Thailand without all the things I hate (as Jim puts it, 'You may as well go to the Costa del Sol...' in some places.) And I have to agree that Thailand, while still one of my favourite places, isn't really a 'travel' destination. It's so easy with it's a bit more like an extended holiday with a tasty splash of Asia. Cambodia, Laos and especially Vietnam were hard work either emotionally, logistically or physically (OK- Laos was probably easier too...)

After that, I don't know. There are some cool people on this island and I've been chatting to some yoga teachers, so I may stay and focus on that for a few days. There are also some schools and conservation projects wanting volunteers. There is also- according to travel legend- a four day dive trip you can take while living on a boat. I could also go over to Krabi and see what all the fuss is about. My flatmate from Edinburgh will be in BK around the 17th and I haven't seen her for an age so I may travel north and stop off to see her. In short, as always, there are too many options. The more effort I make to try and decide what to do the more options seem to open up(poor me!)

Suggestions welcome!?!

PS Pics will follow- forgot my card reader but wil do it later. I know that's all anyone is really interested in!! xx

Under da sea..

Today, I went scuba diving in the sea. Being slightly scared of fish and having a small space problem, I am very proud of myself... and can't wait to go again!!

Basically, am alive, having lots of fun and enjoying being with friends! Will upload hotos over the next couple of days of the end of oz etc! Much love, xxx

Leaving Australia, realisations and resolutions so far

Tomorrow I fly back to Thailand. Which I'm pleased about- Australia is not the place for me. However, I have learnt some important things- mainly being that I have a bit of an Asia addiction. Hm.

Staying with Duncan has been a rel treat- it's been so much fun spending time with him again. I wish I could gather up all the people that I love in the world and have them near me.. (yes, yes, it would help if I came home, I know) I just happened to come to Sydney for the weekend of the carnival which was lots of fun and Duncan and I spent a very leisurely day on the beach at Manley. But this place doesn't shock me, push or stretch me. There is no challenge here- life is very, very comfortable (and perhaps, as an Iraqi guy we were talking to the other day put it, 'they have the laziest lifestyle in the world!') I can understand how in ten years this will be paradise- a great lifestyle, time to spend with your family, a safe place with great weather, SPACE- but now is not the right time. I can understand why Duncan doesn't want to stay..

So that's one thing I've learnt. Along with a lot others along the way...

I think I've finally admitted I may actually have been depressed those last 6 weeks in Hong Kong. And I've also accepted that that's ok so long as I learn from it. A sequence of things happened that left me stripped of my confidence and feeling betrayed by a lot of people. As always though there were a couple of truly wonderful friends around to help me, both at home and in Hong Kong. And for that I am very, very grateful.
I've also pledged to be better at spending time on people, because all the other stuff can wait. I am driven by efficiency and sometimes I forget all the details don't really matter. I've also realised, from a recent experience in London, that I want to be someone who forgives and accepts that 'people are doing the best they can with whatever they have'. Even if it seems they are needlessly hurting you (although it's not always easy!) Hopefully that will also help me move on from the experience in Hong Kong too. Which also doesn't mean it was all my fault, or that I have to take total responsibility for the way things turn out. After all, I was doing the best I could with what I had (and sometimes I bugger things up- but if I didn't, what would I learn?)
I have learnt not to do things because I ought to do them, but because I feel they are right. I do know the difference I just have to learn to trust it. A hard maxim to live by, but I pledge to try.

So, all in all, so far so good. A small selection of the journey's offerings so far but a worthy one. All I need to do is decide where I'm going next...! But again, I've met so many wonderful people, all choosing to live their lives in different ways, making a whole spectrum of choices according to who they are, that it's taken the pressure off. I will find my own way, in my own time and make choices that are right for me. My only concern about coming home is that the 'pressure' of what you should be doing is so apparent it's hard to escape. Living abroad you are already outside of any 'normal' sequence; those you meet have already decided to try something different. Maybe it's time to face up to it. Or maybe not. As with all things that are meant to be, I got an email today saying my NET interview has been scheduled in Hong Kong...for the day after I get back there. What a wonderful rhythm life can have sometimes... x