Tomorrow I fly back to Thailand. Which I'm pleased about- Australia is not the place for me. However, I have learnt some important things- mainly being that I have a bit of an Asia addiction. Hm.
Staying with Duncan has been a rel treat- it's been so much fun spending time with him again. I wish I could gather up all the people that I love in the world and have them near me.. (yes, yes, it would help if I came home, I know) I just happened to come to Sydney for the weekend of the carnival which was lots of fun and Duncan and I spent a very leisurely day on the beach at Manley. But this place doesn't shock me, push or stretch me. There is no challenge here- life is very, very comfortable (and perhaps, as an Iraqi guy we were talking to the other day put it, 'they have the laziest lifestyle in the world!') I can understand how in ten years this will be paradise- a great lifestyle, time to spend with your family, a safe place with great weather, SPACE- but now is not the right time. I can understand why Duncan doesn't want to stay..
So that's one thing I've learnt. Along with a lot others along the way...
I think I've finally admitted I may actually have been depressed those last 6 weeks in Hong Kong. And I've also accepted that that's ok so long as I learn from it. A sequence of things happened that left me stripped of my confidence and feeling betrayed by a lot of people. As always though there were a couple of truly wonderful friends around to help me, both at home and in Hong Kong. And for that I am very, very grateful.
I've also pledged to be better at spending time on people, because all the other stuff can wait. I am driven by efficiency and sometimes I forget all the details don't really matter. I've also realised, from a recent experience in London, that I want to be someone who forgives and accepts that 'people are doing the best they can with whatever they have'. Even if it seems they are needlessly hurting you (although it's not always easy!) Hopefully that will also help me move on from the experience in Hong Kong too. Which also doesn't mean it was all my fault, or that I have to take total responsibility for the way things turn out. After all, I was doing the best I could with what I had (and sometimes I bugger things up- but if I didn't, what would I learn?)
I have learnt not to do things because I ought to do them, but because I feel they are right. I do know the difference I just have to learn to trust it. A hard maxim to live by, but I pledge to try.
So, all in all, so far so good. A small selection of the journey's offerings so far but a worthy one. All I need to do is decide where I'm going next...! But again, I've met so many wonderful people, all choosing to live their lives in different ways, making a whole spectrum of choices according to who they are, that it's taken the pressure off. I will find my own way, in my own time and make choices that are right for me. My only concern about coming home is that the 'pressure' of what you should be doing is so apparent it's hard to escape. Living abroad you are already outside of any 'normal' sequence; those you meet have already decided to try something different. Maybe it's time to face up to it. Or maybe not. As with all things that are meant to be, I got an email today saying my NET interview has been scheduled in Hong Kong...for the day after I get back there. What a wonderful rhythm life can have sometimes... x
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1 comment:
hello darling,
it's been such a long time since i've
seen you, in dave's front room in the
burgh. i miss you lots. long distance friendships are far harder than long distance relationships.
but i suppose it is destined to be
long distance for a wee while longer
eh? the asia bug is a good one. the
real lack of cynicism is amazing.
lots of love,
thom tuck, esq.
PS, this is us on telly!
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